Be persistent in your prayers, the Universe will listen...

I've been feeling so completely, utterly, and terribly depressed over the last six months and I have been missing Kailua with all of my heart. I opened a fortune cookie today, and before I did so, I asked God to please give me some news through my fortune. I read the tiny piece of paper and it said, "You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously". Only about an hour later, I look at my phone to find a message from a good family friend, Richie, who has sometimes played the role of a father figure in my life. I was talking to him back and forth through txt and I told him of my depression and how I longed to be back in the islands, where my family is originally from, and to my great surprise, he is going to fly me out there! Not only that, but he is going to get me my own place to live out there and set me up with a job and get me in school! I leave on October 11th of this year, just to check everything out and talk to school, and then I will officially move at the beginning of spring semester!! Oh Universe, I thank you! You have heard my prayers and gathered my tears and turned them into pure manifestation, I couldn't be happier. I feel like I can finally get my life back on course and be near to my Grandfather and Grandmother, who are buried on the island. This is the beginning of my life. Universe thank you, I love you.

He said this is when I should be painting, but how could I even think of picking up a brush at a time like this? I want to rip every piece of art to shreds. I want to destroy anything and everything that has ever meant anything to me. I want to kill what I love before it kills me.

I am raw. Every bone in my body aches, every bit of flesh stretched over my small, fragile frame is on fire. My heart is beating too fast, and I can't catch my breath. I can't end it. A thousand lives to live before I could even reach this pitiful existence of mine again. I envy my father. If only I could be as lucky.

You won't understand this, but I'm not writing it for you, you don't need to understand.

I just wish that someone would understand...

Original Sin